I had a major come to Jesus moment today. First, a little bit of history ...
I have been a nurse since July of 2009. I have been working at the bedside for almost the last 10 years of my life. I really don’t know anything else professionally; being a nurse is literally all I have been for the last third of my time I have spent here on planet Earth.
All the reasons that drove me to leave the bedside are a huge part of my story, a story that drives me every day to do the work that I do now. And I promise I’ll get to that another time soon. It was a long time coming, but I left the hospital setting in December 2018 and began pursuing health coaching full time in January 2019. It hasn’t been a terribly long time, seeing as I’m writing this on April 13, 2019 haha. But, as someone who has been consistently bringing in money for the last 10 years, who suddenly is not really bringing in a large and in charge cash flow (and no where near what I was bringing in back in the nursing days) … well, you may be able to imagine, its a little bit like a slap in the face meets a kick in the buns meets the Polar Bear Plunge.
I will always be transparent with my audience. At the risk of being authentic to a fault, let me just say a little truth here: I am literally making several thousand dollars a month LESS than I was 4 months ago. And I haven’t exactly altered my standard of living either … read: I’m basically acting like I still have that nursing income! I’m still buying all the same things I used to buy. I’m still treating myself to things like highlights and every other month Stitch Fix and Eminence moisturizer. I’m still doing drinks with the girls, buying organic produce, and paying for a monthly gym membership. Let it be known that I also am spending a bunch of money that I don’t exactly have right now to run my coaching business. Building a business from nothing is an expensive endeavor. I know I’m not the first to start a biz that doesn’t generate a shitload of income right away. At this point I’ll take any income lol …
Oh yeah so the come to Jesus moment. Things caught up with us. I started to feel the pressure (and guilt, tbh) of not generating a solid income. We sat down, figured out where we could tighten up, and came up with a game plan. I was feeling really down in the dumps about the financial sitch and started to feel like I took the leap too soon (should I have stayed at the hospital and treated coaching as a side hustle? Even though working at the hospital was so not making me happy anymore? Should I try to get my old job back and put this all on hold? What if I this? Or what if I that?).
Hindsight is always 20/20. Or as Drew calls it, the Monday Morning Quarterback. After stewing about it for a solid hour and a half (I’ve never been one to get over things easily :/ ), and going over all the things in my head that I could have done differently, we don’t have this, we can’t afford that, finances have my throat in a vice right now and I kind of just want to go do what ostriches do and stick my head in the sand and forget what’s happening in the world around me and cry for awhile … well, then something happened.
I sat down on the couch with Drew, and I realized something really amazing: Even though money is tight right now, and even though our income is less than our expenses, and even though we aren’t on track to buy a house in the near future like a lot of our friends are doing, I realized this amazing thing that I can’t believe I let slip my mind:::::
We have an apartment to live in!!
And we have food in the refrigerator!!!
And we have an HBO subscription to watch Game of Thrones Season 8 on Sunday!
And we have air in our lungs, and minds that think, and hearts that love, and abundant health flowing through our bodies at this very second omg!
And families that love us.
And a planet that gives us everything we will ever need.
And lets be honest … if shit honestly hit the fan tomorrow, we are not that screwed. We are beyond not that screwed. If the worst of the worst happened, we would still be okay. It all came into perspective. I’m here bitching and moaning about what I don’t have, that I was blithely unaware of all of the abundance I did have. Then I felt guilty again for taking for granted all of the wonderful things in my life that were staring me in the face in that very moment, things that many people do not have … then I felt sad again and then the cycle just kept going … oh the hamster wheel of Emily’s emotional climate … You don’t want my problems.
Yes money is frigging great. Yes it is awesome to have, and it provides choices and freedom and all kinds of wonderful things. And I fully intend to create more of it as this business continues on. But it’s also just money. It is as transient as the wind. As we’ve seen in our economical history, it can be here one moment and gone like that in the next.
AND IN THIS SEASON OF OUR LIVES, SURE WE’RE A LITTLE SPREAD THIN IN THE CASH AREA, BUT WHERE WE ARE SO NOT LACKING IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM, IS ABUNDANT LOVE, HEALTH, JOY, GRACE, GRATITUDE, LAUGHS, SILLINESS, ASPIRATIONS, ADVENTURES, HUMANITY, PEACE, HOPE, & FAITH
I’m thankful for this tough moment tonight. It put it all back into perspective for me.
What are some things that you are thankful for today?
With Love, Abundance, and all of life’s intangibles that make living so damn sweet!