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Sexy Greens Recipe!

May 07, 2019


So you need to get more greens into your life. We all do! And why is that?! Wellllll …

Leafy greens contain beautiful micronutrients that keep our bodies functioning optimally and thriving, including: calcium, magnesium, potassium, phosphorus, zinc, chlorophyll, iron, and folate.




They sweep the blood

They improve circulation

They contain FIBER which keeps your system moving and prevents stagnation (read: COLON HEALTH BABY)

They contribute to hormone balance

They boost immunity

They are highly alkaline

They keep your ovaries healthy (anyone trying to get knocked up? Eat more greens)

They support metabolism

They strengthen the respiratory system

They promote a healthy microbiome

They improve liver, gallbladder, and kidney health




Swiss chard

Bok choy

Collard greens,


All the kale



Mesclun greens

Mustard greens

Dandelion greens




And yeah, I know how uninspiring a bowl of kale or spinach can seem. I would rather walk barefoot on hot asphalt in the summertime than eat a bowl of raw greens. It's interesting how intuitively, we don't desire these raw greens. I used to try to tell myself that I did, like "omg I LOVE a raw kale salad.... or I LOVE a raw spinach salad..." but seriously the truth is no. I didn't love the raw kale salads. I didn't love the raw spinach. I still don't love the raw kale and the raw spinach. This intuition is present because a bowl of raw greens is indigestible cellulose fiber ... aka humans do not digest this. They don't, they can't, don't try to because you can't. But you know what CAN digest this indigestible fiber? Your gut microbes! So yes, this is food for your bacteria which is a good thing, but there's a catch.


Too many raw leafy greens create sluggishness in the gut, because again -- WE CANNOT DIGEST CELLULOSE. Have you ever felt bloated or super full or burpy after a big salad? But you're eating the salad because it's the "healthy" thing to do! Right? There are good intentions there, but it's not always the right thing for your body depending on where you are in your health.


Do you have a sluggish metabolism? Is your thyroid struggling? Are your hormones a mess? A big whopping bowl of raw greens is not going to get you where you want to be in your health.


But I have a trick that will make eating these beauties more like a delectably, luxurious treat rather than what can only be described as a bowl of lawn clippings!


The key is to cook your greens in a lot of yummy saturated fat. You can steam, saute, blanch or boil your greens, whatever floats your boat. Just make sure to cook them well, and top them with a big dollop of your favorite healthy fat. This makes the greens MUCH easier to digest, will help mitigate those uncomfortable bloating symptoms, and still provide food for your bacteria. Everybody wins! 


Emily's Sexy Greens Recipe


1 batch of greens of choice (woody stems removed and roughly chopped)

melted coconut oil or butter

a dash of tamari/shoyu/soy sauce

1 tsp umeboshi plum paste

(optional but amazing) 1/2 tsp unpasteurized red or white miso paste

**umeboshi plum paste is the ultimate secret ingredient. It is this magical, tangy, party in your mouth pop of flavor that is unlike anything you’ve ever tasted. I remember having a moment with this plum paste when I tasted it for the first time, and it totally stopped me in my tracks, knocked me to my knees, and gave me those cartoon swirly birds around my head, but instead of birds they were umeboshi plums. And it was the teensiest, tiniest taste too, and still was so powerful! A little goes a long way! A batch of this paste is around $10 or $11, but honestly a teaspoon at a time is just enough. Our batch lasts us about 2 months, and we eat these greens like 5 nights a week


**miso is absolutely amazing and a great way to add some extra microbe rich flavor to your dishes! You don’t want to heat miso too much, as the heat destroys the delicate microbes, so this greens recipe is an easy way to get the miso in without heating it. A little goes a long way! The flavor is ridiculous and who doesn’t love helping out their microbiome?!



Chop and rinse your greens. Steam them up for 3-5 minutes depending on the greens you chose. In a mixing bowl, combine your melted butter or coconut oil, tamari/shoyu/soy sauce, and plum paste and miso and mix up together. When the greens are done, transfer them from the steamer basket to the bowl with your magical mixture. Toss to coat. Serve, taste, cry because they are so freaking delicious, cry some more because you realized you’ve missed out your whole life on these amazingly tasty, powerhouse-of-the-plant-kingdom babies, and then head to the market for some more greens to repeat again when you're done.


Do you have a favorite way to enjoy greens? Let me know your recipe in the comments below!

Also try this recipe and let me know if you loved it!! :)


With Peace, Love, and Sexy Greens!


Emily 😊

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